dizzy99
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I need to put this stuff somewhere - 2005/08/31 21:19
Yesterday I found out my younger sister had a baby boy. My excitement was overwhelming, there we are the 3 child bearing aged females of our family all with a son as our oldest child. Mine is 17, he's getting off into that world that makes me terrified I could be a grandma before long. My older sister just adopted 2 kids her eldest one being a boy too, and he's just 2 yrs old. Then younger sister #1 (she's 12 years younger) kept the trend going. Life was as perfect as could be for 3 far flung sisters. I'm in TX, older sis is in London, baby sis is in Ireland.
I called today to check on how it was all going, baby sis had been in labour since Sunday and when I had talked to older sis yesterday when she had called to spread the joy, we still didn't know more than he was 7lbs something. I wanted all the details, length, weight, colour of hair and maybe even a name so I could stop calling him, "My nephew".
My sister was crying when she answered the phone. "Brandon" she told me is gravely ill. He has a hole in his heart and some valves are blocked or tubes or something. He can't get oxygenated blood around his system properly. She didn't know the full details, she had just spoken with our stepmom and was trying to reconcile the information. Baby sis and Brandon had been transfered from his birth hospital to the biggest, specialised hospital in Belfast, he was in the NICU. The next few hours were crucial. He needs major surgery, but they don't know if he will survive long enough to have the surgery. If surgery is a possibility they will take sis and Brandon to Birmingham, apparently the best place for the surgery, if he survives.
We are all devastated and the waiting game is the worst. I spoke with baby sis, I called her in the hospital, it's not like here: there aren't phones for every separate room, she had to go to the nurses station so I could speak to her. He is beautiful apparently, a shock of black hair and dimple in his chin just like his mommy.
I'm her big sister and I'm miles away and I can't hold her hand or hug her and say it's ok to cry. I did tell her over the phone that she does not need to be brave or strong about this for anyone, that she should cry if she needs to. It's not fair and it's ok to feel that way.
I have lost grandparents and a friend (to a drunk driver), but I have never felt pain like this before. I look at my daughter and so want my sister to have even a little of that.
My heart hurts, my head hurts, this is just too much pain. I have lit a candle with Brandon's named carved into it. A white candle scented sweetly of jasmine, it's his light.
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